


Changed

by changed



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Past Relationship(s), Reunions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-25
Updated: 2012-06-25
Packaged: 2017-11-08 12:18:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/443118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/changed/pseuds/changed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the story of how Peeta and Katniss begin to rebuild their lives after Mockingjay and rebuild their relationship over the years before their children are born. It is also about the journey Katniss takes to rebuild broken bonds with those around her and to heal old wounds so that she can finally live her life to the fullest extent possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A sadness I can't erase

I was sitting silently on the edge of the bed as the sun began to rise - sending an array of soft colors through the large windows of the master bedroom. My bare feet brushed against the cool wood floor as I swung them back and forth. I frowned as I tried to focus on something other than what today meant. I had been dreaing this day for months, ever since that invitation came in the mail, followed by the persistent phone calls.  
  
Peeta must have noticed the look on my face because he wandered out of the bathroom with damp hair and wearing only boxers, his t-shirt balled up in his hand. "Alright, sweetheart?" He asked quietly, pursing his lips together when I didn't answer. He took a hesitant step forward, cupping my chin with his hand to make me look up at him.  
  
"No," I barely whispered, blinking rapidly to try to hide the inevitable tears. "I don't want to do this, I'm not ready," I pleaded, giving up the battle on crying the moment he sat beside me and pulled me into his arms. I settled into them comfortably after shifting around for a moment, sighing loudly as I felt the tears begin to roll down my cheeks.  
  
"I know," he mumbled into my hair. "I'll be there, I won't leave your side," he promised as I slumped against him in a cascade of tears that was leading into relentless sobs. "We'll do this together, one step at a time and we'll get through," he continued, pulling his fingers through my messy morning hair. I inhaled deeply, drowning in his scent as I stayed silent. There was no use fighting him, we had to go.  
  
I had to go.

For her.

It had been eighteen months since the Capitol fell. It had been eighteen months since the bombs, since I lost my sister. We had been invited to the Capitol so that I could dedicate the memorial to those who were killed in the bombings and to reunite with other members of our squad as well as the remaining victors. This memorial was one that I demanded was built to honor those lives that were lost. I had worked hard to make this happen and had the support of many. Still, it wasn't easy to go back to the Capitol. Especially not to dedicate this memorial.

This meant I would be saying my final goodbye to my sister and honor her memory.

On the one year marker, our small group of friends gave us our space and privacy – respecting that we wanted to be alone and mourn in private. They sent us notes and small tokens that reminded them of my baby sister. Annie sent a photograph of her and her infant son releasing paper lanterns with notes attached for our loved ones into the sea. One lantern was for Prim and one for Finnick. Haymitch came over and we sat in silence until I couldn’t take it anymore and dissolved into sobs in their arms.

I wasn’t ready to face this yet. I wasn’t ready for it all to sink in again, to crush me under the weight of grief and loss that I had no idea how to handle. I wasn’t ready to face the demons that the Capitol held and all of the memories. I glanced up to Peeta, and I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t ready either.

“Go shower, I’ll make some breakfast and then we’ll go,” he whispered, nudging me upright gently. He brushed his lips across my temple before dipping his head to kiss my lips gently. I sighed against them before I returned his kiss. This was his way of letting me know that he knew I needed some time alone. I watched him as he sauntered out of the bedroom before I stood and made my way into the bathroom.

I took my time standing underneath the hot spray of the shower, combing my fingers through my freshly washed hair. I scrubbed my body, picking dirt out from under my nails from the hunting trip the night before. When I stepped out and wrapped myself in a towel, I sighed and padded barefoot back into the bedroom Peeta and I shared to pull on some clean clothes.

Once I was dressed – I decided to go ahead and pack a small bag for the couple of days we would be gone. Buttercup came scampering into the room and meowed loudly at me and I had to laugh because he looked ridiculous. “You’re nuts, cat,” I told him as he jumped onto the bed and watched me as I packed the bag for the trip. “You’ve got the house to yourself for the next few days, don’t trash it,” I muttered, reaching to scratch the top of his head.

I glared down at him when he hissed before he ran off scampering down the hallway again. Some things never change. I shook my head as I sat to tug on my boots and jacket, and grabbed the bag in my free hand. I wasn’t sure if Peeta had packed, but I was sure he could pack on his own. Once I had made it downstairs, I dropped the bag with a loud _thunk_ in front of the door and wandered quietly into the kitchen where Peeta was just sitting down.

 

He looked up and smiled at me, and it was one of those true Peeta smiles – the one that made a smile curl onto my own lips and my cheeks flush. I sat across from him and we ate in near silence, but that wasn’t out of the ordinary for us. I took on the clean up duty once we were finished, downing the last of the orange juice before filling the sink with hot soapy water.

“What time do we leave?” I asked hesitantly.

“Train leaves in a couple of hours, I’ll pack and then we can go,” He answered, stretching his arms out over his head.

“Hm.” I replied, feeling my stomach begin to knot up and returned my attention to the sink full of dishes. I could hear him retreating back upstairs, moving around above me. I took my time with the dishes, not quite ready to face reality that we really were heading back into the Capitol.

I balanced this fact with the new life Peeta and I had started to build together. We both still struggled – him with the flashbacks, me (mostly) with the nightmares. There were some unwritten and silent rules between us – we always announced our presence so as not to scare each other, we slept in the same bed to comfort each other, and we never talked about starting a family.

We had, once, but we both knew we weren’t ready. I still wasn’t even sure if I _wanted_ children. I knew Peeta wanted them, and desperately. I also knew that he wouldn’t push me. He understood all too well where I was coming from. He understood my fears – even though the Games were over, he understood and he never pushed me. I was pretty sure he knew that when I was ready (if ever), we’d have a child of our own.

We had started to grow back together these last few months – the first few had been rocky, awkward and harsh. His arms wrapped around me securely each night, his words calming me. My arms around his waist seemed to pull him from flashbacks. We had our own things – he baked, the new bakery having been built quickly in the ruins of our District. I hunted each morning. It kept me moving, it kept my head clear.

Still, we wouldn’t deny that we were still scarred. This trip would be a challenge for both of us. He never said it, but I know he’s worried about how being back in the Capitol will do to him. I sighed, bracing my soapy hands against the countertop as I stared out the small kitchen window, allowing myself to lose what little focus I had. My mind was only on one thing today: returning to the Capitol.

“Katniss?” He asked quietly and I turned to face him, not bothering to give him a fake, reassuring smile. He set his bag down beside mine and pulled on a coat. I dried my hands on my pants and took a few steps forward to meet him at the door, looking up into his eyes. We were both silent for a long moment. “Let’s get this trip over with,” he said quietly, reaching to tuck a strand of hair behind one of my ears. He picked up both bags and took my hand in his.

We walked quietly through town to the station, keeping to ourselves. We saw a few familiar faces who gave us sad smiles because they knew where we were headed. I kept my head down for the most part, trying to avoid everything and everyone. Once we arrived at the station – I glanced quickly over at Peeta as my heart began to race and the tears stung my eyes. I saw I wasn’t the only one and he looked away quickly, biting down on his lip.

I tugged gently on his hand to lead him into the train, sucking in a deep breath. It still amazed me that it was so … overwhelmingly rich and comfortable. I sunk into a chair and looked up to Peeta when he came to stand in front of me. Haymitch had left for the Capitol two days ago, so we had the train to ourselves. I didn’t protest when he tugged me to my feet and into his arms, wrapping tightly around my waist. Instead, I wrapped my arms around him and held on tightly.

We eventually settled into our own private suite. I spent the afternoon sitting up in bed with my knees tucked against my chest, watching everything zoom by. Peeta slept on and off, only waking to eat a small dinner with me. When we settled into bed for the night, I curled up close and put my head on his chest, listening to the steady sound of his breathing and heartbeat. His fingers pulled through my hair gently.

“Do you love me?” He asked out of nowhere, but his voice was soft.

I lifted my head from his chest quickly, brows knotting as I let his question wash over me. I swallowed hard as he studied me intently, his fingers moving to brush against my cheek. This was the first time in over a year that he had asked me this, but somehow – it hit me harder than before.

“Peeta,” I swallowed, feeling my throat begin to close up around the sobs that threatened to rise and spill past my lips. We had been skirting this issue for months now despite the obvious state of our newfound relationship. Sometimes in the night I would wake when he would whisper that he loved me in sleep, but we never spoke consciously about this.

Until now.

“Katniss,” he began softly, pushing himself up to sit beside me. “Do you love me?”

“I do,” I choked out, nodding when he took my face into his hands. I looked up and met his eyes – those clear, bright blue eyes that I loved so much. “I love you, Peeta,” I whispered loud enough so that he could hear me over the sound of the train traveling on the tracks.

The smile and joy was unmistakable in his voice, “I love you, Katniss,” he told me as he rested his forehead against mine for a long moment. “I’ve loved you for a long time,” he explained quietly. “I love you so much,” he told me before pressing his lips against mine. I returned his kiss eagerly, sliding my arms around his neck before he pulled me down to him. “You’re safe with me, always.” He said when he pulled away, brushing his thumb at the tears on my cheek.

He rolled to his side to face me, tucking me in close against his chest as he tugged the blankets over us. My fingers curled around the cotton material of his t-shirt as I let his words and the sound of the train on the tracks lulls me into sleep. There wasn’t anywhere else I wanted to be in this very moment than in his arms, knowing that I would be safe from whatever harm would come to me or whatever memories threatened to tear my strength away.

I knew that as I faded into sleep, as long as I had Peeta – everything would be okay. As long as we had each other, we could face whatever life threw at us and in the end – we’d be stronger than before. We had already been through so much together – and a weekend in the Capitol to dedicate a memorial to my sister and the victims of the bombing would only bring us closer together. We’d be okay, as long as we had each other.

I must have slept sound and hard because when I woke the next morning with the sun blaring down on my face through the window, I groaned loudly. I pushed myself to sit up and made a face at how stiff and sore I was and shot a glare to the other side of the room where I heard Peeta laughing quietly at me.

“You look so grumpy,” he said, moving to sit down on a chair across from the bed.

I glared at him, raking a hand through my hair. “I am grumpy,” I replied, scrunching up my nose before I flopped back down onto the mattress and wiggled under the blankets, not quite ready to get up and moving yet.

“No, Katniss,” he said, stripping the bed of the blankets and shaking his head when I started cussing under my breath. “We’re going to be there in twenty minutes, and someone is picking us up at the station,” he told me. I scrambled out of bed and shot him yet another glare as I dug in my bag for a new outfit.

"Why do you have to be like that?" I muttered as I slammed the bathroom door shut and showered quickly, brushing my hair and teeth. I knew I didn’t have a right to be angry at Peeta – but I was stubborn, exhausted and not exactly thrilled to be in the Capitol. I knew he’d understand, but I felt a bit bad about the way I treated him since I woke up. I made a mental note to apologize once I looked presentable.

I took a few more minutes to get ready, quickly braiding my shoulder length hair back. I smoothed my pants down and stepped out of the bathroom, offering a hesitant smile to Peeta. “I’m sorry, about earlier,” I stammered as he walked over to me. “I shouldn’t treat you like that.” I finished, nodding once. His reply was a kiss on the cheek before he grabbed our bags and wandered off down the hallway.

“Who is meeting us here, anyway?” I asked curiously as I hopped down the hallway trying to put my boots on. “Please tell me it isn’t Haymitch,” I groaned. It was way too early to be dealing with him, and I knew he’d already be somewhat drunk.

“See for yourself,” he replied with a smile, waving to a pair standing on the platform as we pulled into the station. I was bent down at that point to tie my boots, but stood and brushed myself off, standing on my tiptoes to see past his shoulder just who was waiting for us.

He didn’t give me a chance to stare for too long before tugging me down the steps and into the bright daylight of the Capitol. Our designated pick-up person was none other than a beaming Annie Cresta. She held the baby boy against her, and there was no denying that he was Finnick Odair’s son.

“Peeta, Katniss!” She called out as Peeta hurried us across the pavement to where she was waiting away from the crowd. We met each other at the same time and the baby boy was looking around the station with his small hand in his mouth, staring with his wide green eyes right at Peeta and I. “Say hi, Noah,” Annie said quietly, shifting the infant so that he was facing us.

“Annie,” I breathed, stepping forward to hug her first. This was the first time we had seen her since before, and our first time meeting her son. “You look amazing,” I whispered into her hair as she returned my embrace before stepping back. “He looks just like…” I trailed off, swallowing the sudden lump in my suddenly dry throat.

“He acts _just_ like him, too,” she replied, offering me a strained smile before returning Peeta’s hug. “Want to go see Peeta?” She asked the baby as she watched Peeta smile at the infant and sure enough, within a couple of minutes Peeta was holding Noah, the baby beaming right up at him. “He’s got a major sweet tooth and he’s just as stubborn as his father,” she explained.

I had to admit, I was shocked to see Annie in this way. I had wrongly assumed she would be a wreck being here, worse than I was – but it was refreshing to see her this way, strong, happy and with her son. It was obvious that the baby was the light of her life. I hoped that one day I could be like Annie – and the fact that Peeta seemed natural with this happy little boy in his arms, made my heart pound.

He must have caught onto what I was thinking because the next time our eyes met, we both flushed. Annie was watching us and glanced at her, only to be greeted with a wide smile. “I’m glad you two are here together,” she told us as we walked through the bustling city. “You both look great and seem like you’re doing well, I’m so happy,” she explained, but I heard the crack in her voice and knew how much she was missing Finnick.

I quietly took her hand in mine as we walked and squeezed it, a silent way of letting her know that I missed him, too. “I’m glad you’re here too, Annie. I don’t think we could do this without you,” I explained. We gave each other a tearful smile before she led us into the lobby of an obviously new hotel. “Is this where we’ll be staying?”

“It is,” she waved her hand at an employee and led us to the elevator. “They’ve put everyone up on the top two or three floors, and there’s going to be that banquet in a couple of hours,” she nodded, reaching to take Noah when he began to fuss in Peeta’s arms. “He’s so tired, this entire trip has worn us both out, and he’s teething,” she sighed. “Anyway, this is your floor – your rooms are 456 and 457, I’m on the floor above you in room 585.”

I smiled over to Peeta when he took my hand before stepping out of the elevator. “We’ll see you at dinner?” I asked Annie, reaching out to touch the soft skin of Noah’s cheek. When he grabbed my finger, there was no mistaking the joy on my face when he held onto it, squeezing tightly as he stared up at me intently.

“Of course, I think they’ve seated us at the same table. We’ll see you in a little bit,” she called out before the elevator took her up to her floor and left Peeta and I standing in the hallway. I glanced over to him before he led us to our rooms.

“I hate that they didn’t just give us one room.” I muttered, looking at him. “They all _know_ ,” I grumbled, rolling my eyes when he just shook his head. I knew that I was being stubborn again, but everyone was well aware of the fact that we had rekindled our relationship for the most part.

“So? We’ll just share one room anyway,” he shrugged, pushing the door open with his shoulder and dropping our bags on the couch. “This is really nice,” he said before he reached for my hand and tugged me out of the hallway. He kicked the door shut with his foot before leading me out of the room and onto our private balcony.

“It doesn’t look that different,” I said, wrinkling my nose. “You can still see where they’re rebuilding, look,” I pointed out into the distance. Just below us was the sight of the memorial – I could tell instantly because it was blocked off, but it the monument that was built was there in plain sight. I fell silent, staring down at it for a long moment. “I can’t believe we’re here, without them,” I whispered. He knew I was referring to Finnick and Prim. We were all supposed to be together now.

But we weren’t, and that was the hardest part to accept.

“They’re still with us, Katniss,” he said quietly. He straightened and pressed a tender, lingering kiss to my temple before going back into our hotel room. I knew that I needed to get changed into something for dinner, everyone would be expecting us. I sighed and stared down at the streets below me before giving in and walking back inside to slip into a soft, navy blue cotton dress. Peeta had changed into a button up white shirt and black pants and a tie.

He looked just as good as he did in his interviews. I smiled shyly at him when he caught my eye as I slipped into sandals and decided to let my hair down. It fell to my shoulders in soft waves. He moved silently to the door and must have sensed the sudden fear and worry rising inside of me because he reached out and took my hand tightly in his, threading our fingers together.

“I’m here,” he whispered as he led us into the hallway and the elevator that took us downstairs. We wound through the hallways until we found the banquet hall and walked in silently. Haymitch and Annie met us soon after and I could tell by the look on Haymitch’s fact that he was watching me closely for any reaction from either of us.

“Hello, Haymitch,” I said unevenly before I told myself to keep a straight face, wiping every trace of emotion off of my face. This was going to be the only way I could get through the next couple of days. He understood. He clapped Peeta on the shoulder before Annie handed Noah to him, and I had to bite my tongue to resist laughing at the look on his face.

The baby clapped his hands against Haymitch’s face and I looked over to Annie. “They’re going to serve dinner in awhile, I guess they wanted everyone to catch up first,” she told me quietly, her voice even. I knew instantly that this was her way of warning me. I met her eyes slowly, silently and swallowed hard when she nodded – a silent answer to a silent question.

He was here.

It didn’t take long for my eyes to scan the room and find him – he was easy to find. He hadn’t changed a bit. His hair was shorter, he was sturdier than he was the last time I was him. His gray eyes were the same – breathtaking and holding a wealth of secrets. The bouncing girl at his side was none other than his sister, Posy. She seemed to realize who her oldest brother was staring at before he could make a move.

“ **KATNISS**!” I heard her screech before she came scurrying over in a flurry to throw her arms around my legs. “Katniss, Katniss, Katniss!” She chanted excitedly. I had to catch my balance before crouching down to her level, brushing the curls from her face. “Hi, Peeta!” She blurted out before turning her full attention back to me.

“Hi, Posy,” I said quietly. “Look at you, all grown up,” I told her, returning her hug when she threw her arms around me. She stood suddenly and pulled away to throw herself at Annie and Peeta when I became aware of him standing beside me. He cleared his throat and glanced up to him, biting down on my lip to force myself to keep it together.

“Hey, Catn—Katniss.” He said quietly.

“Hi, Gale,” I replied, standing slowly and brushing off my dress. The silence stretched between us for what seemed like years. This is awkward, I thought to myself. I watched then as he and Peeta shook hands, smiling to each other and talking like they were old friends. I envied that about Peeta, the fact that he could talk to anyone, anywhere. The two boys were talking and Posy was now hugging her arms around my legs and circling me, singing a song that repeated the lines of “Katniss, Katniss, MY Katniss, Katniss!” to herself.

I glanced over to Gale when he and Peeta fell silent. Peeta took Posy by the hand and led her over to where Annie and Noah had sat down at the table, leaving Gale and I standing in a stiff, awkward silence. The last time I saw him kept playing through my head and I found myself blinking back tears at the words I said to him that day.

I knew. I knew all along that he hadn’t let those bombs go; I knew all along that he would never do something like that. He would never intentionally kill my sister. I knew all along that he had nothing to do with her death – but I was too blinded by loss and grief to tell him that. I knew that when I walked away from him that day – he believed that I thought he had done it intentionally.

This realization hit me hard months ago, so hard that I spent the evening gasping for sobs and air in Peeta’s arms, not even able to speak to him about what I had realized. The only words I could muster were “Gale” and “Prim”, but somewhere deep down, I knew that Peeta understood exactly what I had realized.

I glanced up to Gale slowly, I could feel his eyes watching me closely, studying me for any sign of anger or hate for him. I hoped that when I caught his eyes in that moment, he saw nothing but my apology – a silent one. We never needed many words, and I hoped that the last eighteen months hadn’t changed that. “I’m sorry, Gale,” I managed to say, shifting the weight from one leg to another. I couldn’t meet his eyes; the only thing I stared at was the floor beneath us, blurred with hot tears.

“Katniss,” he breathed before he took a stumbling step forward and stood in front of me. “Katniss, look at me,” he pleaded quietly, ignoring the fact that just about the entire room was watching us. They all knew this was bound to happen. “I don’t want you to apologize, not to me, not to anyone – you… you went through hell, do not apologize,” he pleaded with me, taking my hands into his and squeezing tightly.

“I shouldn’t…I shouldn’t have said those things, I shouldn’t have blamed you, I knew… I knew all along it wasn’t you,” I choked out, hanging my head. “I just… I missed her so much, and I was so lost, so broken,” I tried to explain to him before I felt the crushing weight of his arms around me.

He didn’t say anything for a long time as he held me in the middle of the banquet hall, and I could feel his own tears on my neck as I held onto him, breathing  him in. I knew that when Peeta and I had accepted the invitation to come for the memorial dedication that we very well would be around Gale and I knew that too much time had passed – and that I had to tell him what I knew.

He was the one to pull away first, he didn’t say anything. He simply sighed, dropped his arms to his sides and took a few steps back. “I’m glad you came, Katniss,” he said simply. I could tell that by the flush in his cheeks that he felt we had too long of a moment and a quick glance in Peeta’s direction made Gale realize he had seen and heard everything. I glanced down to the floor before reaching out and squeezing Gale’s wrist.

I couldn’t speak in that moment, but I hoped that the silence between us spoke everything I still wanted to say to him.

_I’m sorry._

_I miss you._

_I forgive you._

He glanced back at me when I took his wrist. Our eyes met and I didn't look away, pleading silently with him to see everything I was saying. There wasn't any way I could physically speak these words in this moment, but I knew that sometime, someday, I would. He would hear them. For now, the silence weighed heavily between us. I couldn't read the blank, somber look on his face - and that crushed me - we used to know everything about each other, we could easily read each other.

Now we were almost nothing more than strangers who happened to meet.

When he dropped his arm to his side again to turn and walk away, I sighed heavily. I shook my head as I watched him and Posy walk across the room hand in hand, Posy chattering away at him excitedly before I turned my back to the crowd and sunk into the chair in between a silent Annie and Peeta. I ran my fingertips over the tablecloth, letting the silent, hot tears stream down my face as the chance meeting with Gale replayed in my mind.

 


	2. This isn't everything you are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss, Peeta and their friends dedicate the memorial wall and park to those who lost their lives while broken and strained bonds begin to mend.

The rest of dinner went smoothly – Peeta and I shared a plate full of sweets and Noah babbled the entire way through dinner when he wasn’t stuffing his little mouth full of pasta and shellfish. At some point during dinner, he must have hit the wall because when I looked over at him during Plutarch’s speech; he had fallen asleep slumped forward in his high chair. I smiled a bit over at Peeta when he caught my eye before leaning into him to try and listen to the rest of whatever Plutarch was speaking about.

 

“Tomorrow we will meet to dedicate the memorial park and wall, and our very own Katniss Everdeen will do the honors,” he nodded in my direction and I felt myself flush and looked down to my lap. I was just glad he didn’t refer to me as the Mockingjay – I was done with that part of my life. I was here to honor the memories of those we had lost and to pay final respects to my sister, not to relive my days as the symbol of the rebellion. Peeta squeezed my hand under the table and in return, I gripped his so tightly I was sure his knuckles were going white.

 

I caught Annie’s eye from across the table as she lifted Noah into her arms and watched her closely, thinking again that we should all have been together this weekend, every single one of us. Finnick should be here with Annie and their son, Prim should be at my side celebrating with me – filling my life with her bright smile and clear laughter. It still shook me to the core at how much had changed in the last couple of years since my first Games.

 

Nothing would ever be the same again.

 

Peeta must have sensed that I was lost in thought again because he left me sitting there when a few of our friends came over to speak with us. Every now and then he’d throw a glance my way, but left me be. I looked up when a chair shifted beside me to see Haymitch. “Hey,” I managed to say quietly, letting my fingers trace circles on the table cloth.

 

“I know this is hard for you, sweetheart, but I’m glad you’re here,” he told me quietly. It was rare that anyone saw this side of Haymitch, but Peeta and I had seen a lot of this over the last few months now that we were all living next door to each other again. “You can do this, Katniss,” he told me before standing. He clapped Peeta on the shoulder before saying goodnight and left the banquet hall. More than likely, he was heading back to his own room to drink away his feelings about the next few days.

 

“Ready?” Peeta asked a few minutes later after the crowd died down and most of our friends had left. Annie had taken Noah upstairs to put him in bed and get some rest herself. His hands felt soothing on my shoulders as he squeezed them from behind the chair I was sitting in. “We should get some rest,” he whispered, brushing his lips against the top of my head.

 

“I’m tired,” I replied and then followed his lead out of the banquet hall and into the elevator that took us right up to our floor. Peeta was the first one into our private suite and the first thing he did was kick his way out of his shoes, pushing them under a table. I watched quietly as he stripped out of his outfit, shoving the dress clothes into his bag. That left him in just his boxers. I wandered over to him to lean against him, suddenly feeling the need to be close to him.

 

“Let’s go to bed, hmm?” He asked tenderly, dipping his head to capture his lips with mine. He didn’t pull away anytime soon, instead he deepened the kiss for a long moment. I returned his kiss, feeling the goose bumps rise on my skin. Even after all this time, he still made me feel the same way and I felt that hunger that needed to be fed rise inside of me. When he pulled away slowly, I sighed and he pulled his fingers through my hair before I wiggled out of my dress, letting it fall to the floor.

 

I sleepily tugged on a tank top once I unhooked my bra and then slid into bed, scooting over so that he had space to lie beside me. He crawled into bed beside me, stretching out for a moment before rolling to his side to face me. “What are you thinking?” I asked him quietly, searching his eyes in the dim light of our room.

 

“That I can’t believe we’re here again,” he replied quietly.

 

“I know,” I said quietly, pursing my lips. “I’m glad we’re here together, Peeta,” I told him, tilting my head against the pillow to watch him again.

 

“I wouldn’t come here without you,” was the last thing I heard before I drifted into sleep. He pulled me into his arms, keeping me close. We usually fell asleep talking well into the night, but I knew we were both exhausted and tomorrow promised to be another exhausting day for everyone. “I’ll never leave you,” he whispered into my hair.

 

We woke late the next morning, something we rarely did. When I woke, Peeta was sitting upright against the stack of pillows, his legs covered by a tangle of blankets. I rolled onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. I turned my head to watch him for a long moment and realized that he was lost in silence, staring at something straight ahead. I knew what this meant.

 

I scrambled to my knees and nudged my way behind him, wrapping myself around his warm body. My arms slid around his shoulders, wrapping tightly. By the time I had gotten to him, he had already started to shake. I frowned, dropping my head to rest against his shoulder, speaking quietly and softly – something he once told me helped to pull him from the onslaught of flashbacks.

 

“Peeta, shh,” I said when he made a choking sound, keeping my grip on him even when he began to tense up. “Shhh, I’m here, I’m here,” I told him, trailing light and lingering kisses against his shoulder. “You’re okay, I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise. I’m always here,” I said. I wasn’t sure what I said after that, and it didn’t matter because whatever I was saying to him seemed to pull him out of the flashback and back to me.

 

His head leaned back and I felt our fingers tangle. The tears in his eyes and on his were unmistakable. I pushed myself to my knees and bent my head to kiss them away. “We can do this, together.” I whispered before he pulled away from me and slid off of the bed. He always needed a few minutes to himself after, I respected that.

 

I dug out my own outfit for the events and slipped quietly into the bathroom. I stood at the sink for a long time, watching my reflection before I turned and let the water run to fill the giant tub. I was just tugging my tank top over my head when I heard a quiet knock at the door.

 

“Katniss?” He asked.

 

I pulled the door open after I dropped the shirt onto the floor. “Hi.” I said, watching him closely. Being naked in front of him wasn’t anything new – not these days. We spent the hot afternoons swimming together in the lake; baths together were a comforting routine. I wasn’t embarrassed to see him now, or to let him see me. We had been through too much together to worry about things like seeing each other naked.

 

“Can I take a bath with you?” He asked sheepishly. Peeta would always ask for permission. He didn’t need to – our baths together had become a weekend routine once he was home from the bakery. It had started one night where I had tried to make dinner for us but managed to spill it all over myself and the kitchen – so he carried me upstairs and put me in the tub only to climb in with me a few minutes later.

 

“You don’t need to ask,” I whispered when I stood on my toes to press a kiss to his lips before turning and wiggled out of my underwear before stepping into the hot water with a loud sigh. I had closed my eyes the moment I sunk into the water only to have them snap open when I realized he was staring at me. “What?” I asked quickly.

“You’re beautiful.” He told me before he stepped into the tub and tugged me into his arms once he was undressed.

 

I felt myself flush at his words, but snuggled into his arms. Peeta always said things like this, I still had a hard time accepting them – but I figured that maybe one day, I’d stop blushing and stammering every time he said I was beautiful.

 

We spent the next hour talking quietly in the tub, taking turns washing each others hair and scrubbing ourselves down. When I stood, I was a bit wobbly and grabbed a handful of my hair to squeeze out, laughing when I heard a sputtering noise. I had wrung out my hair all over Peeta’s face and the look on his face was something between a grin and a glare and only made me laugh more.

 

“You’re gonna pay for that,” he warned teasingly.

 

“Nope, not going to,” I replied, trying to scramble out of the tub and into a towel before he could get his hands on me. It ended up with me stumbling out of the tub and nearly onto my face and running out of the bathroom before he full on pinned me to the bed.

 

We were both laughing and I easily wrapped my legs around his waist, my arms around his neck and returned his three gentle kisses. “I wish we could just stay like this,” he murmured against my lips. I raised my brows at him, wondering where he was going with this current train of thought. “But,” he sighed, bending to kiss me again. “We need to go.”

 

I huffed and sat up, adjusting the towel around my breasts and watched him wander off to the outfit he had hung up the night before. “What are you wearing today, Peeta?” I asked timidly. I don’t think he had any idea of what I was wearing – and I wasn’t exactly looking forward to part of the outfit that was put together for me.

“My uniform – from the rebellion, why?” He replied, turning his head to look at me. 

 

I sighed heavily, burying my head in my hands. “They have me in part of my Mockingjay uniform,” I explained. I had fought as hard as I could not to wear it and Plutarch finally gave in and ordered a more formal version of my Mockingjay jacket but with dress pants and a blouse. He still wanted me to look recognizable, to remind everyone that I had been the Mockingjay.

 

He understood instantly and crossed the room, placing his hands on my shoulders.

 

“To some people, you’re always going to be the Mockingjay, even now that the war is done and the Capitol fell. I understand why Plutarch asked you to wear that, but I also understand why you don’t want to wear it. Once you’ve given your speech and dedicated the memorial, we’ll change into something else,” he said, searching my eyes. “I don’t want you to worry about what you’re wearing – you know why we’re here, Katniss,” he finished before going and stepping into the bathroom to get dressed on his own.

 

I stood and crossed the room to begin to pull out my outfit when I heard the bathroom door open again. Peeta poked his head out, grinning from ear to ear. His curls were still sticking to his forehead from our bath. “Besides, if you’re in that – everyone will know that they can’t mess with you,” he nodded. I had to laugh at that because it was true. No one would mess with me if I was wearing this uniform.

 

Within a matter of minutes – we were both dressed. I was wearing black dress pants, a silky black and gray colored top and was in the process of pulling on the more formal version of my Mockingjay jacket. He came out of the bathroom with something in his hand, stopping in front of me. “Something for you,” he whispered before he began to put the pin on my jacket.

 

I looked up to him in shock when I realized what he was pinning on, fingers moving to trace the cool metal. “Thank you,” I whispered, well aware that my voice was cracking from emotion. I tugged at my jacket and pulled my fingers through my hair as he moved to put his boots on. “Peeta?” I blurted out. It must have startled him because he looked up to me quickly. “I’m nervous. About everything,” I began to speak.

 

“I’m nervous about seeing everyone, about the speech, about this entire memorial and I’m nervous about seeing my mother,” I gushed, thankful that he had come over and put an arm around my shoulder. “It’s the first time I’ve seen her… since…” I couldn’t even finish my sentence and Peeta slipped his hand into my own.

 

“You’re going to be just fine, sweetheart.” He whispered. “I know you’re nervous about seeing her, but I’m glad that she’s here today, I know it means a lot to her to be able to be here for this,” he nodded. He took a step back to brush hair from my face before taking my hand again. “So, let’s go and do this memorial, and then we’ll have a quiet dinner somewhere – just us, okay?” He asked.

 

I nodded numbly, sliding into my shoes and leaving the room first. Peeta followed quietly behind me. Neither of us were surprised that Plutarch was waiting for us in the lobby downstairs. Annie was cradling a sleeping Noah in her arm, nodding in silence to us.

 

I stood beside Peeta, clutching his hand. I was scared that if I let go, I’d fall over. I was already shaking, palms sweaty and my heart racing. I could hear Plutarch speaking, going over the plans for the dedication, but nothing was sinking in. I was simply staring blankly ahead, trying to keep myself in one piece.

 

“Oh, there she is. Katniss,” Plutarch said and I spun to look at the doors as they _whooshed_ open, the breath knocked out of me. Peeta let go of my hand, nudging me forward as the mess of flying blonde hair came across the room and arms wrapping around me tightly before I even realized exactly what was happening. I didn’t even have time to move to close the distance between us.

 

“Mom?” I gasped as she held onto me, her arms around my neck, holding me close. It had been too long since I had seen her, since she had held me. There was nothing I could do now to fight the tears and I buried my head in the space between her neck and shoulder, clinging to her. My fingers wrapped in the fabric of the light coat she was wearing.

 

“Katniss,” she whispered, repeating my name over and over again, smoothing her hands over my hair as she held me. It seemed like hours before we finally pulled away from each other, both of our faces damp with tears. She held my face in her hands before kissing my forehead. “I’m so happy to see you,” she told me, her voice still shaking.

 

I threw my arms around her again, “I’ve missed you so much,” I cried into her shoulder. We hadn’t had the best relationship after my father died and I felt like we had finally begun to pick up the pieces before I was sent off with the Star Squad – only to lose my sister and my mother when she didn’t return to 12. We talked occasionally over the phone and wrote letters now and then, but this was the first time we had seen each other since I left 13.

 

I don’t think anyone expected it to be quite as emotional as it was.

 

“I’m so glad you’re here, mama,” I said into her shoulder as I finally pulled myself together. I stepped back, wiping at my face. She squeezed my shoulders before stepping forward to embrace Annie tightly, kiss Noah and then greeted Peeta with a hug. It seemed to surprise him – the last time he saw her he wasn’t exactly himself, but up until then – they had a good relationship.

 

“Shall we?” Plutarch asked after a few minutes of our small group catching up with each other. Peeta slipped his hand into mine, threading our fingers together. “Everyone is here and seated,” he nodded before leading our small group through the doors and into the small area designated as the memorial wall.

 

I pulled in a deep, slow breath and nodded, following Plutarch to where the small stage was assembled in front of the wall that Peeta and I had helped design. I was the only speaker for this event, so everything I said would be important. I knew everyone would be listening to every single word and breath I said. Plutarch had asked me to write a speech, but I decided to do what Haymitch wanted me to do.

 

Open up and speak from the heart.

 

I took a few slow steps up to the podium, glancing back at Peeta, Annie, my mother and Haymitch as they sat down in their chairs on the stage beside me. When I turned to look back at the crowd, I spotted Gale in the front row. He, too, was wearing his uniform. The sight took my breath away, he looked just as handsome as he did the first time I saw him in it.

 

I watched him for a long moment, managing a shaky smile when he mouthed, “You can do this, Catnip,” to me. I nodded a little and looked back down to where I had rested my hands before taking a deep breath in, released it and began to speak.

 

“Eighteen months ago, we were here in the Capitol to bring it down. It had already started to crumble and the rebellion was moving in quickly,” I began – making sure to speak slowly. “Eighteen months ago – hundreds of lives, including my own, changed forever. No one expected the bombs to be dropped, or for Snow to use innocent children as a shield, but he did,” I paused for a long moment, looking out over the city around me to realize we were in just about the same spot everything had happened in.

 

“Eighteen months ago, 140 children were killed. One of them was my sister. Many of us were caught in the bombings ourselves, watching our fellow soldiers struggle to save those around them, including themselves. This memorial isn’t just about those who were killed in the bombing, it’s so much more. It’s about all of the lives lost in the war, one of them being my good friend, Finnick,” I choked out, catching Annie’s eye.

 

“I know, Annie, that he’s so proud of you, and that he loves you and Noah so much – this memorial is for him, too. So everyone will remember,” I tried at a shaky smile for her, feeling the hot tears stream down my face. “This memorial was something I knew I had to do – because after everything I’ve seen and experienced – I knew that everyone had to have a place of peace, a place to come and rebuild themselves and to remember those lives that were lost.”

 

I was done speaking then. There was nothing else that I could have said, so I turned slowly and reached for my mother’s hand. Peeta was holding one of her hands. I took it in my own, and then took Annie’s hand. “Come with me,” I whispered to them, looking up at the wall behind us. I led them slowly to the wall – standing back for a long moment before I reached out and placed a palm on the name engraved.

 

PRIMROSE EVERDEEN.

 

My other hand left Peeta’s and was placed next to Annie’s – FINNICK ODAIR. Peeta moved to stand beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and my mother’s. The hand I felt on my back was familiar and I turned my head to see Gale standing behind me, Haymitch standing on the other side of Annie – his hand on her shoulder.

“I miss you both so, so much,” I whispered to the wall, chewing at the inside of my lip. I felt Gale’s chin rest on the top of my head and Peeta was pulling me closer. We all stood like that – silent for a long moment before stepping aside so that others could have their chance at the wall to pay their own respects.

 

I moved to sit down in the chairs assembled on the chair, smoothing out the lines on my pants and doing my best to keep to myself for the time being. I looked over when I felt a chair next to be move and offered a tired smile to Peeta.

 

“You did it, sweetheart,” he said quietly, kissing my forehead. “I’m so proud of you, everyone is,” he added, nodding. He scooted his chair close to mine, leaning back and tugging me to lean against him. “Would it be strange to say that I’m glad we came?” He asked me quietly, looking down to me.

 

I thought for a long moment before shaking my head. “No, I’m glad we came, too,” I told him. I settled against him as I fell silent, watching the crowds of people wander through the memorial area – some were gathered at the wall still, others were walking around the small park surrounding it.

 

My mother and Annie were talking, Noah flapping his arms around when Annie lifted him over her head. Gale and Haymitch were talking quietly with Johanna. I was content to just lean against Peeta for the time being, his arm around my shoulders to keep me close.

 

Not too much later we were joined by the group of our friends and family where we spent the rest of the afternoon talking and catching up, occasionally laughter would ring out but there were also tears. Noah was passed around, babbling away and pulling at hair and hands. Annie told us all about Noah – how much he reminded her of Finnick – it was easy to see, he was a near spitting image of his father. Peeta and I told stories about construction on the new bakery or my hunting mishaps. My mother talked about life in 4, by the sea and the hospital she had helped start.

 

For once, as I snuggled into Peeta’s arms – I felt like things were going to be okay – that we could all heal in some way or another.

 

Our goodbyes were long and tearful – promises were made to keep in touch and to visit. Peeta and I were the last to leave the park, walking hand in hand through the grassy areas – not needing any words to explain how we were both feeling.

 


End file.
